On Insecurity
My father was distant, and all approval by him was conditioned on a measure of success.
There are very few memories of my father just being a father, and teaching his son how to adult.
Together with his anger issues, that means that I’m averse to conflict, fights with a SO, and experience every criticism as a criticism of my personality and my abilities, whether or not that is the case.
My particular struggle is with my perception and experience of my self by my own standards and goals, rather than feelings of being judged by others.
The road to my being able to almost automatically tease the experience and the event apart has been long, but sped up with counseling, which added more skills to my repertoire to manage severe depression, plus the ability to accept new skills into my toolbox of self-care and self-love.